I know this. I know I can get flakey and weird and avoid my phone. But that's okay. Because I'm a mother and life happens.
But at this point in my life, I hate it.
You see, I'm taking 2013 to be a better me. I know a lot of people say that, but the truth is, the last two years of my life have just been... terrible. I can't say enough how bad it had been. I hit a lovely new low.
But 2013? I'm going to make it my bitch. So I've decided to write my "Top Five Ways I'm Going to Make 2013 My Bitch"
Enjoy!
5 - From now on, I refuse to be anyone's doormat. I've spent my life doing it, and I was always in denial about it. I've let people walk all over me, always stuck around, and never did anything to acknowledge it. Well, now I'm doing it. So to all my soul-stomping "friends": PEACE OUT!
4 - It's time to get healthy. I've lost a boat load of weight, so that's not so much the issue. I'm talking over all health. Mental, physical, emotional. The whole enchilada. Speaking of which... I'd like some Taco Bell right about now.
3 - It's also time to be a better mom. I know I haven't been bad at it, but I know I could improve. So I'm going to.
2 - SCHOOOOOOOL. It's not just for kids anymore! That's right, this almost-thirty-year-old is going back! In less than a month, to be exact. And I. Am. Freaking. Out.
1 - From now on, I am going to support myself. Over the last seven months, I've realized how much I relied on others for my own self-worth. If I was worthy to those around me, I must be a worthy person. But that's not how it's supposed to be. Unfortunately, I've done this my entire life. So changing it is hard. But I'm doing it. I can't look in the mirror and say "Well, if so and so likes this outfit, it must be good." No, it has to be me. There's a huge difference between valuing the opinions of those around you and taking those opinions to heart; and relying on those opinions to form your self-esteem. I've finally established that difference and I just can't let myself do that anymore.
So that's how 2013 will be for me. Hopefully. If all goes according to plan. Which it might not. Hell, it probably won't.
But when 2014 comes around, I will be able to look back on this year and know that I gave it my all. And that will be enough for me to give it my all again. And again and again and again. Until the day I die.
~Dee
